


Poison and Wine

by some_fantastic



Series: song meme [9]
Category: The Following
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 10:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/some_fantastic/pseuds/some_fantastic
Summary: I don't love you, but I always will





	Poison and Wine

**Author's Note:**

> For archiving purposes. Originally posted on tumblr.

Mike was everything Ryan thought he couldn’t have. He was pure, innocent, untainted by life and free from the paranoia that haunted Ryan’s every waking minute. That bright-eyed enthusiasm for everything couldn’t be faked. It was hard not to fall for him, especially when Mike tried so hard to be his friend.

It was even harder to watch Mike break, to watch the innocence drain away until the only thing left was a shell of the kid who had started the case. The new Mike was angry, reckless, broken. Ryan could see how much more careful his moves became – every step risked breaking another stitch, landing him in the hospital again.

Ryan knew it was his fault. The people closest to him were the ones who got hurt the worst. His sister had been kidnapped, Mike had been tortured, Debra and Claire had been murdered. And through it all, Mike had barely left his side. Mike had begged Ryan to take him along for the final showdown. But Ryan couldn’t do it. Ryan couldn’t risk Mike dying when he had come close so many times before. That was why he had ignored all of Mike’s attempts to contact him.

Despite that, Mike still regularly showed up at Ryan’s apartment. Every time, Ryan sent him away with the same dismissal. And Mike left, promising to show up again to make sure he was still okay.

Ryan didn’t want to be alone. The thought came to him when he once again opened the door to see bright blue eyes and messy blonde hair. He didn’t want to be alone, but he had to. He had to make sure his curse didn’t hurt anybody else. If Mike died because of him, Ryan would never be able to forgive himself. It would be the final nail in his coffin, so to speak.

And if he had to lie through his teeth to make sure Mike stayed safe, he’d do it.

“Do you know what happens to the people I love?” Ryan prayed to a god he didn’t believe in, hoping that Mike would give this up. He needed someone who could fix him, someone young and smart and pretty. Not an old, broken man who could barely drag himself out of bed most days. “They get hurt. They die. I have a…a curse. I’m meant to be alone.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Ryan.” Mike sounded almost desperate. Ryan could feel his broken heart breaking all over again. He thought it would have ended after Debra’s funeral, after Claire’s, after he had been (once again) kicked out of the FBI. But Mike kept coming back, kept reminding Ryan that he still existed. “You’re not cursed. You’re just turning this into some kind of superstition because you’re scared of losing someone else. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to die on you.”

Ryan was getting desperate himself. He didn’t want Mike here. He didn’t want to keep being reminded that he could have a better life. He didn’t want to drag Mike down to his level. “I don’t love you, Mike. I never did. You have to stop coming here.” It was all lies, but Ryan knew what would hurt the most. “I get that you think you need to help. But I don’t want your help.”

Mike actually looked surprised, mouth falling open. When he didn’t immediately respond, Ryan seized the moment and slammed the door in his face. He locked it quickly and turned away before he made a decision he’d regret.

I love you, he thought, and that’s why I have to let you go.


End file.
